I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize