i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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