I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
