U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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