Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
