Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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