Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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