she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
