we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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