i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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