her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
