My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
