dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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