Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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