so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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