dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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