If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize