Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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