Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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