i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
