apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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