If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
