i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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