Where is the hickey?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
