Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
