Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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