Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
