Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
