I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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