I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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