thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This baby is an asshole
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
