My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
