just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
