Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
