If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How does one acquire holy water?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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