My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
