She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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