it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
