Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
