The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
