i would punch a child for taco bell
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
