i just sent this text using only my big toe
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
