it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i barfeds in our rink
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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