yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
