I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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