Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
