No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
