carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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