so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
