I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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