My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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