you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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