so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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