i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My bed smells like the plague
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
