Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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