Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize