nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
