I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
