I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
