I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
