I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
can u get pink eye on your cock?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
