Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
