we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
