Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
