So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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