Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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