I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
