Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
