My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had to cum in my sink.
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