Got a toothbrush?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
