just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
