I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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