She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
