buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
