today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize