Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
