We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
