Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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