I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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