it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
