we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
