my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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