dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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