Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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