i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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