I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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