I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I want is dick and wine.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
