office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize