i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
