i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
