If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
