I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We need to get me chipped asap
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
