last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
