I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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