Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
