he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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