Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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