WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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