so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
