I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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