It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
