My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
