my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there is glitter all over my balls
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