JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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